Well, it's been over two months...Yes indeed.
Many things have happened, most of which I don't want to discuss because rehashing them hurts too much. If there's one thing I've learned is that everyone and everything keeps moving on and if you don't keep up you get screwed. Which is all well and good if you don't cling to what used to be, which I have the unfortunate tendency of doing.
Then I look back at things, like my NY crew, and how back in the day we were the most shit-disturbingest fun loving people, and at the time it seemed like they were the only thing that would ever matter. But we all moved on and we're not the same crazy 16 year olds we used to be, but we're all still good friends, and I guess that's all that really matters. I don't know what I was really trying to say there but I think it was something along the lines of: situations change, but if the people stick, you know you've got something good.
I suppose that's the attitude I'm taking as I stare into the blackhole of my future right now. I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore, but I'm cool with that, and I've just gotta keep going. The people that matter will still be there... just like those three boys I met over milkshakes when I was 15 who are still my good friends: even if one breaks your heart, and another goes crazy...And the third... well there just aren't enough words for him.
Just like the friends I have now... some will stick, some will become memories, and you can't really do anything about it. Determinism... it helps me sleep at night.
Money is finally good. I'm peeing my pants for England, it's going to be a gongshow. College descisions are to be made in the near future... Jobs are lining up for the summer...
I had a wicked weekend with the wife, save one incident which, I hope has been rectified to those people that were wronged... Regret is silly, and yet I'm always filled with it.
I'm missing things... specific and nonspecific at the same time... there's just a general feeling of lack going on... I miss people (especially Chris, who I was just talking to, and I forget how much I love that kid sometimes because he loves reminiscing as much as I do)... I miss places... I miss specific moments in time... Just missing something that I have a sick feeling is right under my nose.
Also I think the universe is playing a sick joke on me... everytime things start to smooth over, something rediculously stupid or painful or regrettable happens to me... I mean don't get me wrong, cause that last part made me sound depressio, which I'm not. I just want something GOOD TO HAPPEN... I keep getting kicked when I'm down, and all anyone can ever say is not to get upset about it, and that I deserve better, and yadda yadda yadda... Well it's all well and good that I deserve better, but those good things that I deserve never really seem to materialize.
And now that I've sufficiently rambled about nothing, I'm going to bed.
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