I just realized how rediculously cryptic my last entry was. It made sense to me though, so I guess that's all that matters.
I think I'm just getting disgustingly ill from social politics. I'm starting to feel like a friekin' vet about this stuff. Now before I say what I'm about to say, realize that I'm not like bragging or anything, but just hear me out.
I've always had a crapload of friends. I've never been a loner, I've always been a bit of a Queen B when it comes to social situations, and let me tell you that the drama gets a little old.
Being a girl is shitty enough when it comes to dramatic situations. I think people slip drama pills in our drinks or something because for some reason, even things as simple as grocery shopping with roomates has become some sort of hierarchical power struggle. I feel exhausted by it all at this point in my life, and I just turned 20. Since I was 5 years old, it's been this non-stop whispering/saying things behind people's backs/ turning people against eachother world of nonsense, and as I go through my stages in life, these girls fall by the wasteside, and I can't remember what all the fuss was about.
This christmas, I worked at the mall with Pauline, a friend of mine from highschool. When we were in Grade 10, we were terrible people, filled with putdowns and insecurities masked by black eyeliner and caked faces. I remember sitting with her on a bus on one of our dreaded trips to work, and I just looked at her and laughed and said, "We thought we were so important." and she laughed too and said, "none of it even matters anymore."
So I'm considering next year my vacation from all of this shite, because I honestly can't deal with it anymore, and I no longer care where I stand, or what they think, etc... The girls at this school are rediculous, and just like in highschool they think they're so important, and in the end, none of it really matters...
|comments: Leave a comment|