They say that in a near death experience, your life flashes before your eyes. They were quite wrong, you can't move, you can't even make a noise, but your mind just screams "fuck! fuck! make this car stop spinning!" There were no pictures of me in tutus and going to prom. I was a very lucky girl today, which is sort of funny cause for the past six months all of I've done is bitched about how unlucky I am. Well if all that bad luck was in the name of storing up for this car accident, then it was all worth it. As I stood in the ditch on the 401 surrounded by police officers, firemen, and paramedics, many things were put into perspective. If today had been my last day on earth I would have been mighty pissed off, mainly because I've been such a waster for as long as I can remember.
Even before the accident, I had realized a few things on the drive home with Mel. As crazy, and misguided as she is, she has many things that I'm jealous of, including ambition. Every once in a while, she serves as a reminder that there are so many things to do in this life, world is my oyster, blah blah blah, but most importantly they don't happen when you're sitting around at a computer or on a couch. Then of course I get home, and collectively my mother and sister have lost a bijillion pounds, which made me feel even less productive. So after the shock had worn off of my parents when they realized their baby might not have made it home today, they continued with their constant beaming at me. My dad ooohing and ahhing over the speech he's writing for my gatillian/graduation party, and my mom about throwing the party, and how proud they were, which was nice and all, but so help me god I can't figure out what there is to be proud of. I didn't do jack-shit schoolastically over the last three years, and if anything I'm proud that I got away with it but other than that, I have accomplished nothing.
Today was a strange day. A day of revelations if you will. Strangely enough, after a long drought, my power of coincidence returned and I sort of took that to mean that nothing about today was a coincidence at all. To summarize, always wear your seatbelt because it really did save my life today, carpe diem and all that crap, but most importantly I've gotta stop wasting my time bitching and ditching. So, I think this is the end of me here... On the internet that is. I've got to stop this cry for help bullshit and move on... there's so much to do and see outside this stupid black box.
|comments: Leave a comment|